Trauma Anniversaries -- Creating Safety and Space on Difficult Anniversary Dates

Many people who have experienced a traumatic event know that the annual anniversary of that event, and each year thereafter, can be emotionally challenging.  There are always exceptions, of course-- some people can experience the death of a loved one, a divorce, or a harrowing event and not notice any change in affect or physical symptoms on the anniversary.  For many people, however, the anniversary can create a sense of angst and side effects:  a feeling of unease, disrupted sleep, a feeling of dread regarding the anniversary, anxiety and restlessness, depression, grief and sadness, lack of focus and decreased attention, irritability, and more.  

However, there are ways to care for your mind, body, and spirit prior to the anniversary, and throughout, to get through it (and even feel stronger to deal with it).

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1. Be proactive-- Schedule some self care prior to the anniversary. Examples of self care would be attending a class in yoga, art, or meditation; going to counseling or a support group (i.e. AA or NA); spending a weekend with friends and loved ones; attending a retreat; getting a massage or going to a spa; getting a one month gym membership, etc…  If you are low on cash or on a tight budget, schedule daily walks with a friend; meditate each day; get creative with art, journalling, or adult coloring books; have extra bubble baths; eat healthy meals; and/or spend time with loved ones. Whatever it is that relaxes you or feeds your soul, put it in your calendar prior to the anniversary.
2. Acknowledge and care for your triggers.
   1. Smaller, more manageable triggers: Use those basic calming skills such as taking deep breaths, taking a brisk walk to burn off excess adrenaline, or calling a supportive friend.   In addition, keep self care items on hand for when uncomfortable feelings arise, such as tissues and extra makeup (in case you get teary); a natural remedy, such as Rescue Remedy, that helps reduce anxiety; an inspirational quote that helps you get through difficult moments; a piece of sour or spicy candy; or a worry stone/other comforting object to hold onto.   
   2. Larger, more intrusive triggers: consider counseling in one of the following “evidence based practices” that addresses triggers, phobias, and extreme anxiety.
      1. Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TFCBT)
      2. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
      3. Prolonged Exposure Therapy
      4. Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)
3. Acknowledge and commemorate the event in a way that suits your personality and needs.  Here is a partial list of ideas:
   1. Donate money or donate blood for a cause related to the event.
   2. Complete 10 acts of kindness (or other chosen number) to “counteract” some of the negative feelings about the anniversary; or complete the acts of kindness in memory of someone who passed away.
   3. Create a ritual for yourself where you honor what you have survived and endured-- light a special candle for yourself; write down your feelings and thoughts about the event, burn it, and release the ashes; hike a mountain; say a special prayer.
   4. Collect a special item each year near the anniversary-- this may sound like a strange suggestion but hear me out on this one.  I know a person who buys herself a pair of “kick ass” boots on each anniversary.  She loves the quote about walking a mile in someone’s shoes--the boots are worn as a reminder of what she has been through and what she can conquer.  She wears the boots on days when she needs a little extra “kick”.  In this way, she honors her trauma anniversary and her own power over the event.  I know another person who started collecting angels--she now buys an angel on each year near her trauma anniversary.  Yet another person writes a new song each year about what he is still learning from his trauma and how the effects of it weave its way into his life each year. So, your “collected item” can be fun and inspirational, it can be in memory of someone, or it can be part of an ongoing story that you tell about your experience with the event.
   5. Celebrate your survival -- invite friends over and celebrate in a way that makes you feel strong, connected, and proud of what you have survived. This works well in cases like surviving cancer or surviving a messy divorce.
   6. Quiet reflection-- schedule a section of time where you turn off all screens and distractions.  Take that quiet time to reflect on what you have been through and what you have gained as a result.  
   7. Complete this creative directive:  Draw a horizon line on a piece of paper.  Below the horizon is where the traumatic event is -- it is underground and in the past.  Draw or write something to depict this traumatic event below the horizon line.  Next, draw or list the things you learned or gained as a result of the traumatic event -- do so above the horizon line.   You can be as detailed as you like-- some traumatic events have several components to it, and in these cases you can draw lines or other connectors to different areas of the event to mark what you learned or gained from them. I’ve seen responses such as “I got my dog after the event to help me feel safe again-- I can’t imagine my life without her now.  She was a huge part of my healing and recovery”;  “I had to learn how to care for things in the house after my partner died-- I’ve learned some basic plumbing and ‘fixer-upper’ skills”; “I met a whole new community and support group of people I now call close friends”.  Keep in mind that just because you learned or gained something from the traumatic event does not mean you have to appreciate it or even like it...it can be challenging to appreciate anything that comes from such an awful event.  But this exercise does help to reframe your thinking to the possibility that something good can arise from bad experiences--  this change in perspective (no matter how slight) can be healing for some people.   
   8. If you feel like hurting yourself or others, call 911 or your local emergency crisis number.  

There are more ways to get through a trauma anniversary--if you need or want more ideas you can research the topic of “trauma anniversaries” online, seek professional support, or reach out to loved ones for additional ideas.  

Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling, LLC
Copyright 2016

http://www.indigonorthcounseling.com

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