​Make and eat homemade comfort foods
I’m not talking junk food here— I’m talking about hearty soups, stews, and other foods that feel satisfying and comforting to eat.  These are the foods that warm you from the inside out and are perfect for days when it’s snowing, when you’ve been outdoors shoveling or skiing, or after a long day of work and a crappy commute. That’s the kind of food I’m talking about.  If you yourself are not a cook, seek out local places to buy from.  Sometimes your local bakers, caterers, or restaurants will have pot pies or soups to sell that are frozen.  You can tuck these in your freezer until needed.    

• If you do enjoy cooking, winter is a great time to pull out the crock pots, slow cookers, dutch ovens, and soup kettles to make your favorite comfort foods.  
• Invite friends over for a dinner party or a pot luck.
• Experiment with a new type of baking or cooking— i.e. master the art of bread baking this winter, or explore a whole new cuisine.  This is where buying a new cookbook— or some online research— can help you expand on your cooking skills and interests.

 

Winter sports and recreation 
Winter is the ultimate playground for many recreational activities such as ice hockey, ice skating, downhill skiing, cross country skiing, snowshoeing, snowboarding, sledding, and more.  If you don't already know whats available nearby, search online or ask community members for favorite spots like skating rinks and ponds, snowshoe trails, and sledding hills.  Don't forget to pack a Thermos full of hot soup or cocoa for the trip!

​Blow bubbles and watch them freeze
These are the kind of bubbles you create by dipping a wand into soapy liquid and then blowing gently on the wand to make bubbles. If the weather is cold enough where you are, the bubbles will freeze.  Frozen bubbles are mesmerizing to watch — see how many you can get to stay perfectly balanced on top of snowfall.  To make things even more interesting use the "dark light bubbles" and shine a black light on them--the frozen bubbles will glow!  
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You can also use black light bubbles to decorate forts or sculptures for night photography.  

Feed the animals
I tend to feed our backyard friends year round.  However, when you want a little backyard entertainment, put out a special picnic or tea party for the animals; build a snow person with arms holding seed;  make hearts and other shapes in the snow using birdseed; or decorate an outdoor tree with garlands of cereal or berries or ornaments made from bread, nut butters, and birdseed.  

I hope this blog post gives you a starting place for ways to embrace the heart of winter--when all else fails, start planning your gardens for spring and summer and get those seeds ordered.  

However, if you need or desire more directed activity based on your unique needs, art therapy with a counselor or art therapist is recommended. Art therapy can be used to help with depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, acute stress, mood disregulation, self esteem, stress management, self care, adjustment to change, grief/loss, and more.  

The next time you look for a boost to your well being, don't forget to consider art as part of your self care regimen. 


Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling, LLC
Copyright 2017 

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Comfort Zones are those places, physical and metaphorical, that provide respite.  They can be places of residence, i.e. your own home or a loved ones home. They can be natural spaces such as the mountains, a forest, or the beach.  They can be places of sanctuary, prayer, and meditation. And comfort zones can also be needs or wants that regulate your level of comfort-- i.e. if someone  asks you to do something that doesn't feel right, or feel good, you might find yourself saying, "No--that's out of my comfort zone".  

Comfort zones provide the space for us to reflect on our experiences.  People are not well equipped to process a lot of information (external and internal) when under stress, so finding and utilizing time to retreat to a safe and comfortable space allows us to truly think about, and feel, what is going on around us and within us.  

But what happens when our comfort zones fracture? For example, what if the friend we always turn to for support is not available? What if a location where we typically find comfort is currently off limits? 

Comfort zones will fracture and evolve from time to time which is why I often suggest making sure you have a selection of comfort zones to begin with.  Diversifying is key. Here are various examples to consider:

• Home itself-- some consider "home" to be their comfort zone.
• A place within your home-- even if home is chaotic, there may be that one chair or one place in your residence that feels more comforting than the rest.
• Comforting objects-- i.e. that favorite hoodie or pair of jeans; a piece of memorabilia; your smartphone.
• A place-- i.e. a favorite coffee shop; a place you go to for support or solace such as a church, a weekly yoga class, or an AA group; a favorite getaway/vacation spot; a local garden or trail where you feel calm and at ease. 
• A friend who really "gets" you and listens to you.
• Foods-- the infamous "comfort foods", whatever those may be for you. 
• Rituals-- those things we do each day that bring a sense of normalcy and routine-- getting a cup of tea, meditating, reading a book, walking the dog. 
• Hobbies and passions-- i.e. making art, singing loudly to your favorite songs, dancing, writing, shopping, hiking, running, etc.

​If you expand on the meaning and breadth of "comfort zones" you will be better prepared if one (or more) of your zones "fracture".  For example, if you move to a new place you might suddenly find yourself feeling out of sorts, whether you have moved across town or out of the country. While you adjust to the new feeling of "home" and orient yourself to new surroundings, you can still connect with close friends, keep familar routines, wear a favorite piece of clothing, or immerse yourself in a favorite activity.  Before you know it, you will have created new comfort zones and/or your fractured zones will be accessible once again. 

Many people who have experienced a traumatic event know that the annual anniversary of that event, and each year thereafter, can be emotionally challenging.  There are always exceptions, of course-- some people can experience the death of a loved one, a divorce, or a harrowing event and not notice any change in affect or physical symptoms on the anniversary.  For many people, however, the anniversary can create a sense of angst and side effects:  a feeling of unease, disrupted sleep, a feeling of dread regarding the anniversary, anxiety and restlessness, depression, grief and sadness, lack of focus and decreased attention, irritability, and more.  

However, there are ways to care for your mind, body, and spirit prior to the anniversary, and throughout, to get through it (and even feel stronger to deal with it).

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1. Be proactive-- Schedule some self care prior to the anniversary. Examples of self care would be attending a class in yoga, art, or meditation; going to counseling or a support group (i.e. AA or NA); spending a weekend with friends and loved ones; attending a retreat; getting a massage or going to a spa; getting a one month gym membership, etc…  If you are low on cash or on a tight budget, schedule daily walks with a friend; meditate each day; get creative with art, journalling, or adult coloring books; have extra bubble baths; eat healthy meals; and/or spend time with loved ones. Whatever it is that relaxes you or feeds your soul, put it in your calendar prior to the anniversary.
2. Acknowledge and care for your triggers.
   1. Smaller, more manageable triggers: Use those basic calming skills such as taking deep breaths, taking a brisk walk to burn off excess adrenaline, or calling a supportive friend.   In addition, keep self care items on hand for when uncomfortable feelings arise, such as tissues and extra makeup (in case you get teary); a natural remedy, such as Rescue Remedy, that helps reduce anxiety; an inspirational quote that helps you get through difficult moments; a piece of sour or spicy candy; or a worry stone/other comforting object to hold onto.   
   2. Larger, more intrusive triggers: consider counseling in one of the following “evidence based practices” that addresses triggers, phobias, and extreme anxiety.
      1. Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TFCBT)
      2. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
      3. Prolonged Exposure Therapy
      4. Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)
3. Acknowledge and commemorate the event in a way that suits your personality and needs.  Here is a partial list of ideas:
   1. Donate money or donate blood for a cause related to the event.
   2. Complete 10 acts of kindness (or other chosen number) to “counteract” some of the negative feelings about the anniversary; or complete the acts of kindness in memory of someone who passed away.
   3. Create a ritual for yourself where you honor what you have survived and endured-- light a special candle for yourself; write down your feelings and thoughts about the event, burn it, and release the ashes; hike a mountain; say a special prayer.
   4. Collect a special item each year near the anniversary-- this may sound like a strange suggestion but hear me out on this one.  I know a person who buys herself a pair of “kick ass” boots on each anniversary.  She loves the quote about walking a mile in someone’s shoes--the boots are worn as a reminder of what she has been through and what she can conquer.  She wears the boots on days when she needs a little extra “kick”.  In this way, she honors her trauma anniversary and her own power over the event.  I know another person who started collecting angels--she now buys an angel on each year near her trauma anniversary.  Yet another person writes a new song each year about what he is still learning from his trauma and how the effects of it weave its way into his life each year. So, your “collected item” can be fun and inspirational, it can be in memory of someone, or it can be part of an ongoing story that you tell about your experience with the event.
   5. Celebrate your survival -- invite friends over and celebrate in a way that makes you feel strong, connected, and proud of what you have survived. This works well in cases like surviving cancer or surviving a messy divorce.
   6. Quiet reflection-- schedule a section of time where you turn off all screens and distractions.  Take that quiet time to reflect on what you have been through and what you have gained as a result.  
   7. Complete this creative directive:  Draw a horizon line on a piece of paper.  Below the horizon is where the traumatic event is -- it is underground and in the past.  Draw or write something to depict this traumatic event below the horizon line.  Next, draw or list the things you learned or gained as a result of the traumatic event -- do so above the horizon line.   You can be as detailed as you like-- some traumatic events have several components to it, and in these cases you can draw lines or other connectors to different areas of the event to mark what you learned or gained from them. I’ve seen responses such as “I got my dog after the event to help me feel safe again-- I can’t imagine my life without her now.  She was a huge part of my healing and recovery”;  “I had to learn how to care for things in the house after my partner died-- I’ve learned some basic plumbing and ‘fixer-upper’ skills”; “I met a whole new community and support group of people I now call close friends”.  Keep in mind that just because you learned or gained something from the traumatic event does not mean you have to appreciate it or even like it...it can be challenging to appreciate anything that comes from such an awful event.  But this exercise does help to reframe your thinking to the possibility that something good can arise from bad experiences--  this change in perspective (no matter how slight) can be healing for some people.   
   8. If you feel like hurting yourself or others, call 911 or your local emergency crisis number.  

There are more ways to get through a trauma anniversary--if you need or want more ideas you can research the topic of “trauma anniversaries” online, seek professional support, or reach out to loved ones for additional ideas.  

Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling, LLC
Copyright 2016

http://www.indigonorthcounseling.com

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Change comes in many forms.  The small changes in life are typically the more manageable ones, such as learning to ride a bike or making a new friend.  But there are changes-- life altering changes-- that require a whole different set of resources (internal and external) to manage.  Life altering changes include the death of a loved one, leaving a long term relationship, transitioning to a new identity, “coming out”, bringing a new child or sibling into the family, a traumatic event, leaving home for the first time, etc. ​

As many of you know already, change is messy and exhausting-- sometimes even the “happy” changes can be messy and exhausting too.   Change also requires patience even when each and every cell in your body is screaming that it wants things to feel comfortable and okay and familiar RIGHT NOW.  

In an ideal world, at least in my ideal world, each of us would be compassionate and open minded to other people’s experiences, especially during these life changing ones.  In addition, we would also be more gentle with ourselves.

That being said, here are reminders and tips for getting through those life altering changes, as well how to help others going through the same.  

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Like many adults, I am constantly navigating the world of coping strategies to see which ones help me feel and function better.  One of my favorite strategies is Finding Hearts.  It's not a commonly listed strategy in self help books (in fact, I may have made this one up).  However, when I am feeling uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or having a particularly rough moment, I look for hearts.  
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Looking for hearts does a few things for my state of mind and well being:

1. It's a practice in grounding.  Grounding is a technique used to decrease emotional distress that accommodates anxiety attacks, dissociation, PTSD and other intense emotional states.  Grounding means bringing yourself to the present moment by checking in with your senses (what do you smell, hear, taste, feel, or see around you at the moment); checking in with your surroundings (look around you, identify where you are or what is in your view); and also checking in with yourself (say your name to yourself, state the date and time of day).  Grounding basically means you pull yourself to the present moment.  Finding hearts is one way to bring yourself to the present moment:  scan your immediate surroundings;  see if you can find any hearts hidden in the clouds, in the ceiling tiles, in the food you are eating, on your clothing, in the trees, etc... 

2. Its a practice in focus.  My ADD can take on a life of it's own and there are times when simply looking around for hearts helps my brain and body slow down enough so I can pay better attention to other details. 

3. It's a practice in mindfulness.  Mindfulness is observing the details of your surroundings (even your "inner surroundings"-- your feelings and state of mind) and being fully present in the moment. 
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4. The creative part of me simply loves this activity-- for me it feels like a mini-recess for my brain.  It's playful, it's creative, and it's a nice break from the routine of the day that can be done in seconds or minutes.
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5. The metaphysical/spiritual/curious part of me can't help but love the fact that we are surrounded by hidden hearts everywhere. 
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6. Photographing the hearts you find and sharing them (i.e. on social media) is a simple and fun way to connect with others. Once you start sharing them, you may find that your friends and loved ones start sending them to you as well.  

While walking various trails or beaches I collect rocks that are flat.  Scanning the earth for rocks is calming and centering in and of itself.  I keep the rocks in a jar until I have one of those days where my head is running full speed ahead and just needs
to
slow
down.
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I keep supplies on hand at Indigo North Counseling, LLC to make these stones with clients of all ages-- sometimes we make them as Spirit Stones, other times we add them to other projects or create them for "worry stones".  

Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling
Copyright 2016
www.indigonorthcounseling.com