• Home
  • About
  • Counseling
  • Photo Gallery
  • Blog
  • Contact

Indigo North Counseling, LLC
Blog

​

Is Your Child Afraid of the Dark?

2/6/2019

0 Comments

 
A common fear in childhood is being afraid of the dark, and as adults we can help children alleviate that fear.  The following post lists some of my favorite ways to encourage children to enjoy the dark using the "language" children speak best— play and wonder. 
Before exploring ways to make the dark a safe place to play and explore,  however, I want to address the topic of horror films.  If your home has any horror films in it's library, and/or you have people watching horror films when a child is present in your home, I'd encourage you to keep those films out of reach and not watch such films in the presence of children.  This is true of any filmography intended for a mature audience.  Young children (some older ones as well) are not developmentally and emotionally mature enough to handle the content of horror films-- heightened fear and anxiety are likely to follow, no matter how minimal the exposure.  
That being said, let's talk about fun activities that encourage children to dim the lights or play in the dark:

1. Play with shadow puppets.  You can search online for tutorials on making your own shadow puppets and/or search for where to purchase them.  The advantage of making your own is that you can create an imaginative mix of characters and scenery that is “one of a kind” and of your child’s own imagination.  The advantage of buying them is the convenience of not crafting them—because not everyone enjoys making arts and crafts or has the time to make them. The shadow puppets in these photos were created by Andrea Everman of Owly Shadow Puppets. ​
Picture
2. Make hand shadows.  You and your child can use a flashlight to create fun shadows on the wall. Your local library most likely has a book or two on how to make the classic hand shadows.  If your library does not have them, ask them about interlibrary loan— you may be able to borrow from another library.
3. Make (or purchase) a silhouette lantern. These lanterns are especially enchanting for children, and they will want to use these lanterns both for play (they are perfect blanket fort lights) and as night lights.  I purchased the one below from Loren Morris at Primitive Witchery here: www.etsy.com/shop/PrimWitchery?ref=l2-shopheader-name You can also follow a tutorial such as this one to make your own (this one starts off with Christmas themed lanterns but if you scroll down you will find other designs to create): www.adventure-in-a-box.com/magical-christmas-lanterns/
Picture
4. Make a tin can lantern with your child and then light them up at night for a night walk, or use it as a night light. Battery operated tea lights can be used in lanterns for younger children.    https://www.hgtv.com/design/make-and-celebrate/handmade/how-to-make-a-tin-can-lantern
5. Have an evening tea party where the only lighting is candles or twinkle lights.  You can also serve tea that helps with sleep, such as chamomile tea. 
6. Use bathtub lights.  These lights are waterproof and designed for bath time, but they also work well as night-lights and as characters for night play (in or out of the tub).  You can search online for "floating lights", "bathtub lights", or even "hot tub lights". Swans, jellyfish, rubber duckies, and more are available for purchase.  There are also planetarium lights and other decorative lights for the tub.
7. 
Play with "play props" and toys that light up.  These include miniatures (i.e found at craft stores and hobby shops) like the campfire pictured below.  These light up play props can be used for both indoor and outdoor night play. 
Picture
Battery operated tea lights can also be used with figurines:
Picture
Picture
8. Play board games and card games that need to be played in the dark. For example, Mistiboo is a spooky version of Old Maid.  The card images glow in the dark, which means you can play this game with the lights out.  Another game, Shadows In The Forest, (not pictured) involves hiding creatures called Shadowlings in tree shadows which are created by trees and a lantern that come with the game.  If you have a local library that has board games in it’s lending library, ask them if they’re able to purchase one of these night games for patrons to borrow. 
Picture
9. Visit your local library to check out books that will ignite your child’s sense of wonder about the night.  Some kids love enchanting picture books that feature night themes and stories that take place at night, such as Dream Animals--A Bedtime Journey, by Emily Winfield Martin.  Other kids may find non fiction books about the night more appealing, such as those about constellations, bioluminescence, and nocturnal animals. 
Picture
10. Go outside to play before bedtime— this works especially well in winter months when the sun sets earlier.   You can bring some figurines outside for your child to play with, if needed.  And, if you have any "light up" play props, bring those as well.  When it’s snowy outside, take advantage of the snow by using it to dig out caves and caverns for characters.  Lights illuminating the snow (especially in the snow caves) create magical playscapes.  
Picture
11. Winter is also a wonderful time to take advantage of any snow forts your child has built.  Bring flashlights or lanterns out to the fort at night for bedtime stories or snack time.
12. Go on a night picnic.  
13. Sit by a campfire.  Regardless of the season, campfires provide many opportunities for storytelling and music, quiet contemplation, marshmallow roasting, and the primal joy of sitting next to the fire.
Picture
14. Watch a celestial event such as a meteor shower or Northern Lights.  spaceweather.com offers updates for when these are likely to occur. 
15. Visit a planetarium.
16. Create snow sculptures during the day and then light them up at night. For example, we made a Godzilla creature once and put a sparkler in it's mouth.  Other ideas include making snow dragons where tea lights can be placed in the dragon’s nostrils;  or make "snow people" holding lights in their hands; create snow sculpted jellyfish that light up, etc…  the possibilities are endless.  (Of note-- by day, Godzilla served as a bird feeder.  Those "hands" are full of peanuts and sunflower seeds.  It was entertaining to see birds landing in his arms.)
Picture
Picture
17. Play with glow in the dark bubbles (aka black light bubbles).  There are online tutorials for how to make your own, but I purchased mine. Either way, you will need a black light flashlight to view these bubbles.  However, if you have the means to enjoy this activity, it's a treat.  If you wait for an extra cold winter's night, you can have the added benefit of watching the bubbles freeze.  Glowing frozen bubbles on the snow mimics galaxies and the night sky -- it's a magical delight to lay your eyes on this spectacle.  The same bubble solution was used to create the glowing effect on a small snow fort.  
Picture
Picture
18. Go for a night walk.
Picture
19. Take your flashlights outside and look for nocturnal creatures such as beetles and moths.  You may even find a toad to say hello to. 
20. Watch the sunset together. 
21. Visit places that offer candlelight tours, whether it’s a tour around the historical district in town, or a candlelight tour of a castle or fort. The photo below is from a candlelight tour at Hammond Castle in Gloucester, Massachusetts. 
Picture
22. Go on night drives or night walks to find fireflies in summer.  ​(Yes, I added a firefly filter to the photo below, but in real life there were hundreds of fireflies around, and my iPhone didn't pick up on  them.  On a side note, the phone camera DID get the picture of this sweet deer that was feeding in the field.)
Picture
23. Take advantage of full moons— ice skating and swimming under a full moon, for example,  are memorable events for kids.  Play with moon shadows or go for a full moon walk.  Put your child’s gemstones out in the moonlight for them to “recharge”.  
24. Use “twinkle lights” or string lights at home where the child spends time in the dark, whether its a blanket fort or their bedroom.  
25. Have a candlelight dinner. 
26. Create a bedside basket for your child that has a flashlight (or other small light) and a few small tokens of comfort in it.  If the child wakes in the middle of the night s/he may learn to use the items in the basket before waking you.  
27. Play a game of flashlight tag with your kids. 
28. Create your own “flashlight filters”—  a) Use clear colored plastic or paper; cut circles to fit just within the inset of the flashlight; then place the circles on the end of the flashlight to make different colored lights.  b) Cut black card stock or scrapbook paper into circles to fit within the inset of the flashlight.  Poke holes in the paper circles to create patterns or constellation shapes, then place the circles on the flashlight end. When the flashlight is on, it will shine through the holes and create the designs on a flat surface, such as a wall.
29. If you have very active kids, it may be a worthy investment to buy a light up hula hoop.  Kids can hula hoop in the dark and watch the lights on the hula hoop rotate and swirl around.    If you have more than one child, and if they can tolerate friendly competition, see who can hula hoop the longest, or try hula hoop challenges such as “who can hula hoop the longest with their eyes closed?” They will burn off some excess energy before bedtime. 
30. “Talk” to fireflies.Here is a tutorial: www.amnh.org/explore/ology/zoology/talking-to-fireflies

​
Overall, any time  you engage a child in an activity that taps into their sense of wonder and play, you are also providing an opportunity for them to learn. In this case, they are learning to fear the dark less with every fun and safe exposure they have.  So, if any of the above activities seem to match the interest and need of your child, go ahead and give them a try.  

Copyright B. Thomas 2019
0 Comments

Art Therapy 

2/19/2017

0 Comments

 
Art therapy is an intervention and treatment modality I use a lot at my private practice.  Not only can it be used in conjunction with other therapy models, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, it can be used with all ages and abilities. 
Picture
I use art therapy in many forms at Indigo North Counseling, LLC— from drawing and painting to multimedia projects.  I use photography, mandalas, collage, writing, triptychs, shrines, totems, life maps, altered books, found objects art, dreamcatchers, storytelling, and more. 
Picture
Picture
Art taps into a whole different language for people to express themselves and share their stories. You don’t have to be adept at using words, or explaining things verbally, or remembering linear details of your life when you use art as a language.  The colors, textures, symbols, and details speak for themselves— through metaphor, through process, through creation, and through release. 
Picture
If you have a general interest in using art therapy to help you through a part of your life, to explore who you are, or to express any feelings, you may find some of the online activities to be helpful (use the keywords “art therapy activity” in your search engine).  
Picture
Picture
However, if you need or desire more directed activity based on your unique needs, art therapy with a counselor or art therapist is recommended. Art therapy can be used to help with depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, acute stress, mood disregulation, self esteem, stress management, self care, adjustment to change, grief/loss, and more.  

The next time you look for a boost to your well being, don't forget to consider art as part of your self care regimen. 



Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling, LLC
Copyright 2017 

​
0 Comments

When Comfort Zones Fracture

11/30/2016

0 Comments

 
Comfort Zones are those places, physical and metaphorical, that provide respite.  They can be places of residence, i.e. your own home or a loved ones home. They can be natural spaces such as the mountains, a forest, or the beach.  They can be places of sanctuary, prayer, and meditation. And comfort zones can also be needs or wants that regulate your level of comfort-- i.e. if someone  asks you to do something that doesn't feel right, or feel good, you might find yourself saying, "No--that's out of my comfort zone".  
Picture
Comfort zones provide the space for us to reflect on our experiences.  People are not well equipped to process a lot of information (external and internal) when under stress, so finding and utilizing time to retreat to a safe and comfortable space allows us to truly think about, and feel, what is going on around us and within us.  
Picture
But what happens when our comfort zones fracture? For example, what if the friend we always turn to for support is not available? What if a location where we typically find comfort is currently off limits? 

Comfort zones will fracture and evolve from time to time which is why I often suggest making sure you have a selection of comfort zones to begin with.  Diversifying is key. Here are various examples to consider:
  • Home itself-- some consider "home" to be their comfort zone.
  • A place within your home-- even if home is chaotic, there may be that one chair or one place in your residence that feels more comforting than the rest.
  • Comforting objects-- i.e. that favorite hoodie or pair of jeans; a piece of memorabilia; your smartphone.
  • A place-- i.e. a favorite coffee shop; a place you go to for support or solace such as a church, a weekly yoga class, or an AA group; a favorite getaway/vacation spot; a local garden or trail where you feel calm and at ease. 
  • A friend who really "gets" you and listens to you.
  • Foods-- the infamous "comfort foods", whatever those may be for you. 
  • Rituals-- those things we do each day that bring a sense of normalcy and routine-- getting a cup of tea, meditating, reading a book, walking the dog. 
  • Hobbies and passions-- i.e. making art, singing loudly to your favorite songs, dancing, writing, shopping, hiking, running, etc.
Picture
​If you expand on the meaning and breadth of "comfort zones" you will be better prepared if one (or more) of your zones "fracture".  For example, if you move to a new place you might suddenly find yourself feeling out of sorts, whether you have moved across town or out of the country. While you adjust to the new feeling of "home" and orient yourself to new surroundings, you can still connect with close friends, keep familar routines, wear a favorite piece of clothing, or immerse yourself in a favorite activity.  Before you know it, you will have created new comfort zones and/or your fractured zones will be accessible once again. 
0 Comments

An Overview of My Latest Book-- More Creative Coping Skills for Children: Activities, Games, Stories, and Handouts to Help Children Self Regulate

10/27/2016

0 Comments

 
I have authored 4 books with Jessica Kingsley Publishers, and like many authors, I claim my most recent book as my favorite.  This is what it looks like:
Picture
More Creative Coping Skills for Children: Activities, Games, Stories, and Handouts to Help Children Self-regulate is written for parents as well as professionals who work with children (i.e. counselors, social workers, teachers, day care providers, youth group leaders, recreational therapists, camp staff, etc.).  

​Each chapter in the book focuses on common challenges that children might struggle with.  Chapters include:

Building Interpersonal and Social Skills
Creating Healthy Boundaries
​Reducing Oppositional Behavior
​Anger Management 
Increasing Focus and Reducing Impulsivity
Taming Anxiety, Stuck Thoughts, and Stuck Behaviors
​Social Anxiety and Selective Mutism
Improving Sleep
Sadness and Depression
Increasing Self Confidence and Self Esteem
Loss and Grief
Traumatic Events and Illnesses
Family Challenges

Each chapter provides general support around approaching these challenges using games, helpful handouts, rating scales, activities, stories, and more to encourage skill building in each area.  Here are some examples: 
Picture
Apologizing and owning our behaviors is an important social skill. ​Apology notes are included in the book to encourage and assist children to say they are sorry if/when needed.  
Picture
Sample incentive charts are provided for parents to use.  Incentive charts can be helpful in reducing oppositional and resistant behaviors. 
Picture
There are a few mandalas for coloring, because coloring is calming for the brain and body.  These are in the chapter Taming Anxiety and Stuck Thoughts and Stuck Behaviors. 
Picture
I included scripts for guided imagery as well as progressive muscle relaxation-- these are key skills in calming and self regulation.
Picture
Scales can be helpful for youth to define and communicate how they are experiencing moods, feelings, and behaviors.  The scales can also be used to keep track of patterns of progress and regression of symptoms (i.e. in winter months, a child reports more 4s and 5s...whereas in summer the child reports more 1s to 3s-- this is good information!).   An anxiety scale is also included in the book.
Picture
I used to have a poster on my counseling door like this when I worked in a school.  Kids can tear off the section that they want to focus on for the day.  This is one of many ways kids can practice building self confidence and self esteem.  
Picture
From the chapter on Grief and Loss-- losing a pet is challenging for many children, understandably so. I've worked with many children who have wanted to lovingly say goodbye to their pets after they died,  but didn't know how.  These scripts are provided to aid in the conversation parents and providers can have with children as well as provide some suggestions around what can be said to honor the pet at a funeral or remembrance ceremony. 
Picture
The chapter on Family Challenges addresses tight budgets and poverty, building relationships, managing separations within the family (i.e. if a parent is in the military or incarcerated), changes in the family (i.e. divorce), and mental illness and substance abuse.
Picture
At the end of each chapter there's an accompanying story.  Stories can help kids understand a situation through a different lens, as well as provide suggestions or solutions for challenges the kids might be facing.
Picture
Picture
Picture
Kid-friendly games,  puppets, coloring sheets, and craft activities are also included throughout the book.  

If you'd like to see even more, go to this link at Amazon and use the "look inside" feature.  

Thanks so much for taking the time to learn more about my latest book!


Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling, LLC
Copyright 2016
​
0 Comments

Trauma Anniversaries -- Creating Safety and Space on Difficult Anniversary Dates

9/19/2016

1 Comment

 
Many people who have experienced a traumatic event know that the annual anniversary of that event, and each year thereafter, can be emotionally challenging.  There are always exceptions, of course-- some people can experience the death of a loved one, a divorce, or a harrowing event and not notice any change in affect or physical symptoms on the anniversary.  For many people, however, the anniversary can create a sense of angst and side effects:  a feeling of unease, disrupted sleep, a feeling of dread regarding the anniversary, anxiety and restlessness, depression, grief and sadness, lack of focus and decreased attention, irritability, and more.  

However, there are ways to care for your mind, body, and spirit prior to the anniversary, and throughout, to get through it (and even feel stronger to deal with it).

​
Picture
  1. Be proactive-- Schedule some self care prior to the anniversary. Examples of self care would be attending a class in yoga, art, or meditation; going to counseling or a support group (i.e. AA or NA); spending a weekend with friends and loved ones; attending a retreat; getting a massage or going to a spa; getting a one month gym membership, etc…  If you are low on cash or on a tight budget, schedule daily walks with a friend; meditate each day; get creative with art, journalling, or adult coloring books; have extra bubble baths; eat healthy meals; and/or spend time with loved ones. Whatever it is that relaxes you or feeds your soul, put it in your calendar prior to the anniversary.
  2. Acknowledge and care for your triggers.
    1. Smaller, more manageable triggers: Use those basic calming skills such as taking deep breaths, taking a brisk walk to burn off excess adrenaline, or calling a supportive friend.   In addition, keep self care items on hand for when uncomfortable feelings arise, such as tissues and extra makeup (in case you get teary); a natural remedy, such as Rescue Remedy, that helps reduce anxiety; an inspirational quote that helps you get through difficult moments; a piece of sour or spicy candy; or a worry stone/other comforting object to hold onto.   
    2. Larger, more intrusive triggers: consider counseling in one of the following “evidence based practices” that addresses triggers, phobias, and extreme anxiety.
      1. Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TFCBT)
      2. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
      3. Prolonged Exposure Therapy
      4. Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)
  3. Acknowledge and commemorate the event in a way that suits your personality and needs.  Here is a partial list of ideas:
    1. Donate money or donate blood for a cause related to the event.
    2. Complete 10 acts of kindness (or other chosen number) to “counteract” some of the negative feelings about the anniversary; or complete the acts of kindness in memory of someone who passed away.
    3. Create a ritual for yourself where you honor what you have survived and endured-- light a special candle for yourself; write down your feelings and thoughts about the event, burn it, and release the ashes; hike a mountain; say a special prayer.
    4. Collect a special item each year near the anniversary-- this may sound like a strange suggestion but hear me out on this one.  I know a person who buys herself a pair of “kick ass” boots on each anniversary.  She loves the quote about walking a mile in someone’s shoes--the boots are worn as a reminder of what she has been through and what she can conquer.  She wears the boots on days when she needs a little extra “kick”.  In this way, she honors her trauma anniversary and her own power over the event.  I know another person who started collecting angels--she now buys an angel on each year near her trauma anniversary.  Yet another person writes a new song each year about what he is still learning from his trauma and how the effects of it weave its way into his life each year. So, your “collected item” can be fun and inspirational, it can be in memory of someone, or it can be part of an ongoing story that you tell about your experience with the event.
    5. Celebrate your survival -- invite friends over and celebrate in a way that makes you feel strong, connected, and proud of what you have survived. This works well in cases like surviving cancer or surviving a messy divorce.
    6. Quiet reflection-- schedule a section of time where you turn off all screens and distractions.  Take that quiet time to reflect on what you have been through and what you have gained as a result.  
    7. Complete this creative directive:  Draw a horizon line on a piece of paper.  Below the horizon is where the traumatic event is -- it is underground and in the past.  Draw or write something to depict this traumatic event below the horizon line.  Next, draw or list the things you learned or gained as a result of the traumatic event -- do so above the horizon line.   You can be as detailed as you like-- some traumatic events have several components to it, and in these cases you can draw lines or other connectors to different areas of the event to mark what you learned or gained from them. I’ve seen responses such as “I got my dog after the event to help me feel safe again-- I can’t imagine my life without her now.  She was a huge part of my healing and recovery”;  “I had to learn how to care for things in the house after my partner died-- I’ve learned some basic plumbing and ‘fixer-upper’ skills”; “I met a whole new community and support group of people I now call close friends”.  Keep in mind that just because you learned or gained something from the traumatic event does not mean you have to appreciate it or even like it...it can be challenging to appreciate anything that comes from such an awful event.  But this exercise does help to reframe your thinking to the possibility that something good can arise from bad experiences--  this change in perspective (no matter how slight) can be healing for some people.   
    8. If you feel like hurting yourself or others, call 911 or your local emergency crisis number.  

There are more ways to get through a trauma anniversary--if you need or want more ideas you can research the topic of “trauma anniversaries” online, seek professional support, or reach out to loved ones for additional ideas.  

Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling, LLC
Copyright 2016

http://www.indigonorthcounseling.com

​
1 Comment

Life Altering Changes 101

9/13/2016

0 Comments

 
Change comes in many forms.  The small changes in life are typically the more manageable ones, such as learning to ride a bike or making a new friend.  But there are changes-- life altering changes-- that require a whole different set of resources (internal and external) to manage.  Life altering changes include the death of a loved one, leaving a long term relationship, transitioning to a new identity, “coming out”, bringing a new child or sibling into the family, a traumatic event, leaving home for the first time, etc. ​
Picture
As many of you know already, change is messy and exhausting-- sometimes even the “happy” changes can be messy and exhausting too.   Change also requires patience even when each and every cell in your body is screaming that it wants things to feel comfortable and okay and familiar RIGHT NOW.  

In an ideal world, at least in my ideal world, each of us would be compassionate and open minded to other people’s experiences, especially during these life changing ones.  In addition, we would also be more gentle with ourselves.

That being said, here are reminders and tips for getting through those life altering changes, as well how to help others going through the same.  

​
Self Care during difficult changes:

  1. Reach out to friends, loved ones, and professionals who can offer support.
  2. Get plenty of rest, nutrients, fresh air, and hydration.
  3. Find an outlet for your emotions-- i.e. art, music, counseling, exercise, journaling.
  4. Allow yourself the space to cry if needed.  
  5. Create mini self-care kits to help you move forward after a good cry-- buy or repurpose a few makeup bags and pack them with a small pack of tissues, an instant cooling pack for your eyes, eye drops, a change in makeup, and sunglasses.  Keep the kits in your car, the bathroom, your office desk, etc...anywhere you might need access to one.  
  6. Find “your people”-- join an online or local support group of others going through the same or similar experience as you.  
  7. Remind yourself that change is uncomfortable and it’s okay to feel that discomfort.
  8. Keep a Gratitude Journal during this time-- I know that sounds counterintuitive but when you are adjusting to a whole new life, identity, or situation, everything can feel challenging, raw, and unforgivingly bleek.  A Gratitude Journal can help bring your mind and awareness to the things that are still going right and still feel familiar.  Write down all the positives that happen for you each day, whether it’s someone holding the door open for you, watching a new episode of a favorite series, or finding pleasure in something as simple as that first cup of coffee of the day.
  9. Take one photograph a day to document your journey and what you are going through.  Even if you never share it with anyone, you can look back and see that yes, this was a difficult change and yes, you survived it.   You’ll have a solid visual of what you endured.
  10. Pack yourself some bottled water and a healthy snack for tomorrow.  
  11. Write inspiring quotes and phrases on Post It notes and leave them where you can find them.
  12. Watch video clips of things that make you smile.  Sloths wearing jammies?  Snoop Dogg narrating nature videos?  Toonces the Driving Cat?
  13. As you start to find comfort and routine again, consider finding ways to help others.
  14. If you feel alone, depressed, isolated, or have thoughts about suicide, call your doctor or counselor or very best friend and be honest.  Ask for help.

How to be supportive to loved ones facing life-altering changes:

  1. Tell them, “I’m here if you want to talk.”
  2. If they do talk to you about what’s going on, listen.  Fight the urge to give advice or judge the people involved...just listen.  Let them know, “I’m so glad you talked to me about this.”
  3. Consider dropping off --or mailing--a “care package”.  Care packages can include items such as:
    1. Things to soothe red eyes and raw throats from crying-- tissues, eye drops, eye masks, ice cream, soup, cough drops or throat lozenges.
    2. A card that lets them know you are thinking of them.
    3. Natural remedies that help with anxiety, grief, or trauma such as arnica homeopathic pellets or Rescue Remedy.  
    4. Bubble bath, shower gel, and/or a battery operated candle (your friend might be stressed enough to leave a candle unattended, so a battery one that flickers like a real candle is a relaxing substitute).
    5. A few “nutrient-dense” snacks -- i.e. trail mix, dried fruit, nuts, protein bars.
    6. A special blanket to wrap up in.
    7. An audio book they’d enjoy.  
    8. A blank journal, an adult coloring book, and some art supplies to get creative.
    9. A gift card to their favorite coffee place or online store.
  4. Organize your friends, neighbors, family and/ or colleagues to make and deliver meals to the person and/or their family.  
  5. If your friend or loved one’s life altering change involves their identity, such as being transgender, remind yourself they are still the same person you have always known; use the person’s correct pronoun and name (this may take a lot of practice and repeating); and be an ally as much as you possibly can.  
  6. If your friend or loved one’s life altering change involves a death, it’s okay to talk about it (unless they ask you not to for now).  One of the hardest things for grieving people is when others stop talking about the person or pet that passed away.  Many grieving people want to share their memories and stories about their loved one.
  7. If they have a dog or a young child, offer to join them for a walk.  
  8. Spend time with them, especially if they seem to be isolating themselves or “disappearing”.  Offer to bring over a movie and “take-out".  
  9. Create a daily check in time-- i.e. each day at 3pm check in via text message, phone, or Facebook message to see if they need anything and just to let them know you are there for them.
  10. If your friend or loved one just had a baby or adopted a child, plan a weekly time that you can go over to help.  Let your friend nap, shower, or just stare at the wall while you take care of the child...at least for an hour or so. If the child is just not going to cooperate with this plan, then cook a meal or wash the dishes while your friend cares for the child.
  11. Keep the lines of communication open-- if you are having difficulty as well, let them know.  It’s okay to say, “This is a big change for me also, but we will get through it -- together.”
  12. Look online for other ways to support your friend through this particular change.  Search for key phrases like “how to help my friend going through a divorce”.

There are so many more ways to be gentle and real with yourself --and others --during a life altering change but I hope these lists serve as a good starting place.  

Bonnie Thomas, LCSW

Indigo North Counseling
Copyright 2016
www.indigonorthcounseling.com
0 Comments

Finding Hearts-- A practice in mindfulness and grounding

9/8/2016

0 Comments

 
Like many adults, I am constantly navigating the world of coping strategies to see which ones help me feel and function better.  One of my favorite strategies is Finding Hearts.  It's not a commonly listed strategy in self help books (in fact, I may have made this one up).  However, when I am feeling uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or having a particularly rough moment, I look for hearts.  
​
Picture

Looking for hearts does a few things for my state of mind and well being:

1. It's a practice in grounding.  Grounding is a technique used to decrease emotional distress that accommodates anxiety attacks, dissociation, PTSD and other intense emotional states.  Grounding means bringing yourself to the present moment by checking in with your senses (what do you smell, hear, taste, feel, or see around you at the moment); checking in with your surroundings (look around you, identify where you are or what is in your view); and also checking in with yourself (say your name to yourself, state the date and time of day).  Grounding basically means you pull yourself to the present moment.  Finding hearts is one way to bring yourself to the present moment:  scan your immediate surroundings;  see if you can find any hearts hidden in the clouds, in the ceiling tiles, in the food you are eating, on your clothing, in the trees, etc... 
Picture
2. Its a practice in focus.  My ADD can take on a life of it's own and there are times when simply looking around for hearts helps my brain and body slow down enough so I can pay better attention to other details. 
Picture
3. It's a practice in mindfulness.  Mindfulness is observing the details of your surroundings (even your "inner surroundings"-- your feelings and state of mind) and being fully present in the moment. 
​
Picture
4. The creative part of me simply loves this activity-- for me it feels like a mini-recess for my brain.  It's playful, it's creative, and it's a nice break from the routine of the day that can be done in seconds or minutes.
​
Picture
5. The metaphysical/spiritual/curious part of me can't help but love the fact that we are surrounded by hidden hearts everywhere. 
​
Picture
6. Photographing the hearts you find and sharing them (i.e. on social media) is a simple and fun way to connect with others. Once you start sharing them, you may find that your friends and loved ones start sending them to you as well.  


Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling
Copyright 2016
www.indigonorthcounseling.com
0 Comments

    Archives

    February 2019
    December 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016

    Categories

    All
    Adult Mental Health
    Anxiety
    Coping And Calming Skills
    Depression
    Expressive Art/ Art Therapy
    Express Yourself
    Grief And Loss
    Indigo North Counseling
    Nature Based Activities
    Parenting
    Sacred Space/Rituals
    School Related Articles
    Self Care
    Substance Use/Abuse
    The Mental Health Field
    Youth Mental Health

    RSS Feed

  • Home
  • About
  • Counseling
  • Photo Gallery
  • Blog
  • Contact