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Family-Friendly Autumn Activities

9/25/2016

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As you might already know, I'm an advocate for nature-based activities.  Nature gives our bodies many things we are lacking in our usual day-to-day routines-- vitamin D, fresh air, immune-building microbes from the soil, exercise, relaxation, a sensory rich environment, places to explore, and so much more.  I am so passionate about the benefits of nature that I even wrote a book about nature based activities for youth.  You can see the book here. 
   Autumn is a wonderful time of year to get outdoors and enjoy the unique opportunities that the season offers.  It's also the perfect time to gather natural materials for crafts and projects you might need or want year round.  Sticks, acorns, acorn caps, seed pods, flowers for pressing and drying, pine cones, and more are abundant this time of year. 
Here are some of my favorite autumn activities:
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1.  Head out to the back deck, the front lawn, or even the front steps for a breakfast picnic.  If you're feeling more adventurous and/or your family will cooperate, then venture out to the woods or a favorite trail for your breakfast picnic.  Bring autumn-themed breakfast treats such as apple cider donuts, cider, trail mix, cranberry scones, or hot chocolate.  Enjoy the chill in the air and enjoy a yummy breakfast with loved ones. 
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2.  Go on a foliage drive-- make sure to stop along the way to explore.  You can always do an online search before you go to see if there are any of these creative activities to do along the way such as   letter boxing, geocaching, local labyrinths to walk, or apple orchards and/or pumpkin farms to visit.  

3. Create some "land art"-- this time of year is great for land art because there are so many natural materials around to create with.  In addition, at least here in the Northeast, the mosquitos and black flies have significantly reduced -- still use protection against ticks, though! 

4. Gather acorns for your local wildlife rehabilitation center or collect them for future craft projects.  

5. Rake those leaves and jump in them.  
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6. Go on a mushroom hunt.  The woods are full of gorgeous and unique fungi that are usually hidden under leaves or peaking out from rotting logs.  A mushroom hunt is a "look don't touch" activity for kids, but they might still find appeal in the "scavenger hunt" feel of this activity.  You can  challenge kids to find a certain number of different  colored mushrooms; find mushrooms in each color of the rainbow, or as close as possible; or to photograph them if they have iPhones or are old enough to use yours or a camera.  Bring a mushroom guide, if desired, for identifying the mushrooms you find.
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7.  Pick apples at an organic orchard and then make your favorite apple recipe with them.  Orchards are great places for kids to explore different varieties of apples, especially if heirloom apples are present.  Picking apples is a joy in an of itself, but many orchards also offer additional activities at their farms.  Research your local orchards to see what is available to you.  
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8.  Track down some snapdragon seed pods.  Did you grow snapdragons in your garden this year?  If you did, you will find these odd looking seed pods left behind that look like skulls or witches heads.  If you did not grow snapdragons this year, ask around and see if you have any friends that did.  If they have not pulled out their gardens yet, these Halloween-ish pods will still be there just waiting for someone to collect them.  
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9.  Pick pumpkins-- there are so many fun projects to do with pumpkins, from roasting the seeds and making pies, to carving them into jack-o-lanterns, coaches, fairy houses, and more.  Remember, if you ever feel at a loss of ideas, the internet is your friend.  
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10. Collect acorn caps for making these sweet little nature dolls.  Buy the wooden figurines from your craft store, color them with colored pencils, glue a cap on, and then seal the doll with varnish.  
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11. Go mining! Research places to explore in your local area where you and the kids can go mining.  I love this activity in the fall because its much cooler (in temperature), the foliage is gorgeous to view along the way, and mosquitos and black flies are at a minimum.  My favorite spot for mining in Maine is Mount Apatite in Auburn because there is no cost and no tour--you can go on your own time and collect some beautiful gems. Bring a bag or a bucket, a hammer, and goggles for each person.  Smashing rocks  is both exciting and therapeutic for kids (and adults, too)-- the thrill of finding a gemstone is priceless, and you get out tons of energy doing so. Of course, experienced miners will not recommend "smashing" rocks as some gemstones are more fragile than others.  So, if you are interested in mining you will want to research where you can do so in your area, what the rules are of the place you are visiting, as well as any tips for appropriately "smashing"/mining your finds. 
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12.  Leave positive words and "secret messages" along any trails or places outdoors you explore.  This is another variation of land art, and it's an easy one for kids to do.  Gather some natural materials and put them together to spell a word or message of encouragement for others to find.  
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13. Host a picnic for your backyard animals.  Set up a tray, table, or blanket in your yard; add a tea set, cups, and/or bowls; then fill them with seeds, nuts, or other foods appropriate for an animal's diet.  This is pre-hibernation time for many of our backyard friends so this is a wonderful time to help them stock up on extra food.  Taking and sharing photos of them enjoying their treats is my favorite part of this activity. 
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14. If you happen to live near an apple tree, or visit a place that has one, there are usually tons of apples on the ground.  Gather a bunch of them, wash them, and then have the kids bite silly faces into the apples.  Prop them up in the tree branches for a tree filled with silly faces.  

15.  Use acorn caps as hats for finger puppets.  

16. Grab some chalk and head out to the nearest blacktop to create patterns, pictures, and other creative creations.  Again, the weather is perfect this time of year for any sort of outdoor play (expect maybe swimming...).  
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Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling, LLC
Copyright 2016
 
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Trauma Anniversaries -- Creating Safety and Space on Difficult Anniversary Dates

9/19/2016

1 Comment

 
Many people who have experienced a traumatic event know that the annual anniversary of that event, and each year thereafter, can be emotionally challenging.  There are always exceptions, of course-- some people can experience the death of a loved one, a divorce, or a harrowing event and not notice any change in affect or physical symptoms on the anniversary.  For many people, however, the anniversary can create a sense of angst and side effects:  a feeling of unease, disrupted sleep, a feeling of dread regarding the anniversary, anxiety and restlessness, depression, grief and sadness, lack of focus and decreased attention, irritability, and more.  

However, there are ways to care for your mind, body, and spirit prior to the anniversary, and throughout, to get through it (and even feel stronger to deal with it).

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  1. Be proactive-- Schedule some self care prior to the anniversary. Examples of self care would be attending a class in yoga, art, or meditation; going to counseling or a support group (i.e. AA or NA); spending a weekend with friends and loved ones; attending a retreat; getting a massage or going to a spa; getting a one month gym membership, etc…  If you are low on cash or on a tight budget, schedule daily walks with a friend; meditate each day; get creative with art, journalling, or adult coloring books; have extra bubble baths; eat healthy meals; and/or spend time with loved ones. Whatever it is that relaxes you or feeds your soul, put it in your calendar prior to the anniversary.
  2. Acknowledge and care for your triggers.
    1. Smaller, more manageable triggers: Use those basic calming skills such as taking deep breaths, taking a brisk walk to burn off excess adrenaline, or calling a supportive friend.   In addition, keep self care items on hand for when uncomfortable feelings arise, such as tissues and extra makeup (in case you get teary); a natural remedy, such as Rescue Remedy, that helps reduce anxiety; an inspirational quote that helps you get through difficult moments; a piece of sour or spicy candy; or a worry stone/other comforting object to hold onto.   
    2. Larger, more intrusive triggers: consider counseling in one of the following “evidence based practices” that addresses triggers, phobias, and extreme anxiety.
      1. Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TFCBT)
      2. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
      3. Prolonged Exposure Therapy
      4. Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)
  3. Acknowledge and commemorate the event in a way that suits your personality and needs.  Here is a partial list of ideas:
    1. Donate money or donate blood for a cause related to the event.
    2. Complete 10 acts of kindness (or other chosen number) to “counteract” some of the negative feelings about the anniversary; or complete the acts of kindness in memory of someone who passed away.
    3. Create a ritual for yourself where you honor what you have survived and endured-- light a special candle for yourself; write down your feelings and thoughts about the event, burn it, and release the ashes; hike a mountain; say a special prayer.
    4. Collect a special item each year near the anniversary-- this may sound like a strange suggestion but hear me out on this one.  I know a person who buys herself a pair of “kick ass” boots on each anniversary.  She loves the quote about walking a mile in someone’s shoes--the boots are worn as a reminder of what she has been through and what she can conquer.  She wears the boots on days when she needs a little extra “kick”.  In this way, she honors her trauma anniversary and her own power over the event.  I know another person who started collecting angels--she now buys an angel on each year near her trauma anniversary.  Yet another person writes a new song each year about what he is still learning from his trauma and how the effects of it weave its way into his life each year. So, your “collected item” can be fun and inspirational, it can be in memory of someone, or it can be part of an ongoing story that you tell about your experience with the event.
    5. Celebrate your survival -- invite friends over and celebrate in a way that makes you feel strong, connected, and proud of what you have survived. This works well in cases like surviving cancer or surviving a messy divorce.
    6. Quiet reflection-- schedule a section of time where you turn off all screens and distractions.  Take that quiet time to reflect on what you have been through and what you have gained as a result.  
    7. Complete this creative directive:  Draw a horizon line on a piece of paper.  Below the horizon is where the traumatic event is -- it is underground and in the past.  Draw or write something to depict this traumatic event below the horizon line.  Next, draw or list the things you learned or gained as a result of the traumatic event -- do so above the horizon line.   You can be as detailed as you like-- some traumatic events have several components to it, and in these cases you can draw lines or other connectors to different areas of the event to mark what you learned or gained from them. I’ve seen responses such as “I got my dog after the event to help me feel safe again-- I can’t imagine my life without her now.  She was a huge part of my healing and recovery”;  “I had to learn how to care for things in the house after my partner died-- I’ve learned some basic plumbing and ‘fixer-upper’ skills”; “I met a whole new community and support group of people I now call close friends”.  Keep in mind that just because you learned or gained something from the traumatic event does not mean you have to appreciate it or even like it...it can be challenging to appreciate anything that comes from such an awful event.  But this exercise does help to reframe your thinking to the possibility that something good can arise from bad experiences--  this change in perspective (no matter how slight) can be healing for some people.   
    8. If you feel like hurting yourself or others, call 911 or your local emergency crisis number.  

There are more ways to get through a trauma anniversary--if you need or want more ideas you can research the topic of “trauma anniversaries” online, seek professional support, or reach out to loved ones for additional ideas.  

Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling, LLC
Copyright 2016

http://www.indigonorthcounseling.com

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Life Altering Changes 101

9/13/2016

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Change comes in many forms.  The small changes in life are typically the more manageable ones, such as learning to ride a bike or making a new friend.  But there are changes-- life altering changes-- that require a whole different set of resources (internal and external) to manage.  Life altering changes include the death of a loved one, leaving a long term relationship, transitioning to a new identity, “coming out”, bringing a new child or sibling into the family, a traumatic event, leaving home for the first time, etc. ​
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As many of you know already, change is messy and exhausting-- sometimes even the “happy” changes can be messy and exhausting too.   Change also requires patience even when each and every cell in your body is screaming that it wants things to feel comfortable and okay and familiar RIGHT NOW.  

In an ideal world, at least in my ideal world, each of us would be compassionate and open minded to other people’s experiences, especially during these life changing ones.  In addition, we would also be more gentle with ourselves.

That being said, here are reminders and tips for getting through those life altering changes, as well how to help others going through the same.  

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Self Care during difficult changes:

  1. Reach out to friends, loved ones, and professionals who can offer support.
  2. Get plenty of rest, nutrients, fresh air, and hydration.
  3. Find an outlet for your emotions-- i.e. art, music, counseling, exercise, journaling.
  4. Allow yourself the space to cry if needed.  
  5. Create mini self-care kits to help you move forward after a good cry-- buy or repurpose a few makeup bags and pack them with a small pack of tissues, an instant cooling pack for your eyes, eye drops, a change in makeup, and sunglasses.  Keep the kits in your car, the bathroom, your office desk, etc...anywhere you might need access to one.  
  6. Find “your people”-- join an online or local support group of others going through the same or similar experience as you.  
  7. Remind yourself that change is uncomfortable and it’s okay to feel that discomfort.
  8. Keep a Gratitude Journal during this time-- I know that sounds counterintuitive but when you are adjusting to a whole new life, identity, or situation, everything can feel challenging, raw, and unforgivingly bleek.  A Gratitude Journal can help bring your mind and awareness to the things that are still going right and still feel familiar.  Write down all the positives that happen for you each day, whether it’s someone holding the door open for you, watching a new episode of a favorite series, or finding pleasure in something as simple as that first cup of coffee of the day.
  9. Take one photograph a day to document your journey and what you are going through.  Even if you never share it with anyone, you can look back and see that yes, this was a difficult change and yes, you survived it.   You’ll have a solid visual of what you endured.
  10. Pack yourself some bottled water and a healthy snack for tomorrow.  
  11. Write inspiring quotes and phrases on Post It notes and leave them where you can find them.
  12. Watch video clips of things that make you smile.  Sloths wearing jammies?  Snoop Dogg narrating nature videos?  Toonces the Driving Cat?
  13. As you start to find comfort and routine again, consider finding ways to help others.
  14. If you feel alone, depressed, isolated, or have thoughts about suicide, call your doctor or counselor or very best friend and be honest.  Ask for help.

How to be supportive to loved ones facing life-altering changes:

  1. Tell them, “I’m here if you want to talk.”
  2. If they do talk to you about what’s going on, listen.  Fight the urge to give advice or judge the people involved...just listen.  Let them know, “I’m so glad you talked to me about this.”
  3. Consider dropping off --or mailing--a “care package”.  Care packages can include items such as:
    1. Things to soothe red eyes and raw throats from crying-- tissues, eye drops, eye masks, ice cream, soup, cough drops or throat lozenges.
    2. A card that lets them know you are thinking of them.
    3. Natural remedies that help with anxiety, grief, or trauma such as arnica homeopathic pellets or Rescue Remedy.  
    4. Bubble bath, shower gel, and/or a battery operated candle (your friend might be stressed enough to leave a candle unattended, so a battery one that flickers like a real candle is a relaxing substitute).
    5. A few “nutrient-dense” snacks -- i.e. trail mix, dried fruit, nuts, protein bars.
    6. A special blanket to wrap up in.
    7. An audio book they’d enjoy.  
    8. A blank journal, an adult coloring book, and some art supplies to get creative.
    9. A gift card to their favorite coffee place or online store.
  4. Organize your friends, neighbors, family and/ or colleagues to make and deliver meals to the person and/or their family.  
  5. If your friend or loved one’s life altering change involves their identity, such as being transgender, remind yourself they are still the same person you have always known; use the person’s correct pronoun and name (this may take a lot of practice and repeating); and be an ally as much as you possibly can.  
  6. If your friend or loved one’s life altering change involves a death, it’s okay to talk about it (unless they ask you not to for now).  One of the hardest things for grieving people is when others stop talking about the person or pet that passed away.  Many grieving people want to share their memories and stories about their loved one.
  7. If they have a dog or a young child, offer to join them for a walk.  
  8. Spend time with them, especially if they seem to be isolating themselves or “disappearing”.  Offer to bring over a movie and “take-out".  
  9. Create a daily check in time-- i.e. each day at 3pm check in via text message, phone, or Facebook message to see if they need anything and just to let them know you are there for them.
  10. If your friend or loved one just had a baby or adopted a child, plan a weekly time that you can go over to help.  Let your friend nap, shower, or just stare at the wall while you take care of the child...at least for an hour or so. If the child is just not going to cooperate with this plan, then cook a meal or wash the dishes while your friend cares for the child.
  11. Keep the lines of communication open-- if you are having difficulty as well, let them know.  It’s okay to say, “This is a big change for me also, but we will get through it -- together.”
  12. Look online for other ways to support your friend through this particular change.  Search for key phrases like “how to help my friend going through a divorce”.

There are so many more ways to be gentle and real with yourself --and others --during a life altering change but I hope these lists serve as a good starting place.  

Bonnie Thomas, LCSW

Indigo North Counseling
Copyright 2016
www.indigonorthcounseling.com
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Finding Hearts-- A practice in mindfulness and grounding

9/8/2016

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Like many adults, I am constantly navigating the world of coping strategies to see which ones help me feel and function better.  One of my favorite strategies is Finding Hearts.  It's not a commonly listed strategy in self help books (in fact, I may have made this one up).  However, when I am feeling uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or having a particularly rough moment, I look for hearts.  
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Looking for hearts does a few things for my state of mind and well being:

1. It's a practice in grounding.  Grounding is a technique used to decrease emotional distress that accommodates anxiety attacks, dissociation, PTSD and other intense emotional states.  Grounding means bringing yourself to the present moment by checking in with your senses (what do you smell, hear, taste, feel, or see around you at the moment); checking in with your surroundings (look around you, identify where you are or what is in your view); and also checking in with yourself (say your name to yourself, state the date and time of day).  Grounding basically means you pull yourself to the present moment.  Finding hearts is one way to bring yourself to the present moment:  scan your immediate surroundings;  see if you can find any hearts hidden in the clouds, in the ceiling tiles, in the food you are eating, on your clothing, in the trees, etc... 
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2. Its a practice in focus.  My ADD can take on a life of it's own and there are times when simply looking around for hearts helps my brain and body slow down enough so I can pay better attention to other details. 
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3. It's a practice in mindfulness.  Mindfulness is observing the details of your surroundings (even your "inner surroundings"-- your feelings and state of mind) and being fully present in the moment. 
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4. The creative part of me simply loves this activity-- for me it feels like a mini-recess for my brain.  It's playful, it's creative, and it's a nice break from the routine of the day that can be done in seconds or minutes.
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5. The metaphysical/spiritual/curious part of me can't help but love the fact that we are surrounded by hidden hearts everywhere. 
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6. Photographing the hearts you find and sharing them (i.e. on social media) is a simple and fun way to connect with others. Once you start sharing them, you may find that your friends and loved ones start sending them to you as well.  


Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling
Copyright 2016
www.indigonorthcounseling.com
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Painting Spirit Stones

9/7/2016

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When I need to find my balance or quiet my heart and soul, I create art.  Art is my favorite form of therapy and self expression.  One of my most treasured art projects is making these Spirit Stones.
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While walking various trails or beaches I collect rocks that are flat.  Scanning the earth for rocks is calming and centering in and of itself.  I keep the rocks in a jar until I have one of those days where my head is running full speed ahead and just needs
to
slow
down.
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Then I paint a bunch of these stones all at once.  I use various pens-- from oil based ink, to chalk pens, to permanent markers.  Some of my favorite patterns and images include feathers, arrows, a compass rose, spirals, geometric shapes, words of inspiration, eyes, and mandalas.  Try making your own and see if it calms and centers you also! The rocks can be placed around your home or office to remind you to relax, to inspire you, or to bring some creative energy to your space.  
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I keep supplies on hand at Indigo North Counseling, LLC to make these stones with clients of all ages-- sometimes we make them as Spirit Stones, other times we add them to other projects or create them for "worry stones".  

Bonnie Thomas, LCSW
Indigo North Counseling
Copyright 2016
www.indigonorthcounseling.com
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Back to School Tips to Reduce Anxiety and Transitional Stress in Children

9/5/2016

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A new school year is about to begin. For those of you who send your kids to private or public schools, this means your child has a multitude of changes to adjust to in the coming weeks.  Some children and teens do well with changes and even look forward to them.  For some, however, each and every change can trigger a sense of unease and even anxiety.  Let’s look at some strategies to reduce the stressors that can come with adjusting to change (even the happy changes).

New sleep/wake schedule:
If your child is the type that stays up later in the evening and/or sleeps later in the morning during summer, then you may want to plan ahead (about 2-3 weeks before school starts) by sending them to bed a little bit earlier each night and also waking them slightly earlier each morning.  
Why?  By preparing your child to go to bed and wake earlier for school, before the school year starts, you are reducing the fatigue that happens when sleep routines are adjusted and altered too quickly.  Fatigue adds to stress levels, and a tired brain and body is less able to take in all the instruction and complexities of paying attention.  On the contrary, when your child has a good sleep routine and is better rested, she’s better able to keep up with the demands of the school day.  


Transportation to and from school:
If you drive your child to school every day, and the route has not changed, then your child is likely well prepared for the drive to school.  However, if you have not driven that route in a while, it might help to do so before the first day of school just to be prepared for any detours or changes ahead of time.   If you have an anxiety-prone child the "practice drive" does 2 things:  1) re-familiarizes the child with the drive to and from school--this creates a sense of normalcy and routine 2) on the off chance that something drastic changed along that route, you will have time to discuss it and/or address any challenges ahead of time. 

If your child has a new bus route:
  • Go to your school website and/or call the transportation department to get the new bus schedule.
  • Drive the new bus route with your child so he can familiarize himself with the new route.  
  • If your child is used to driving on the bus, review the bus rules from last year as well as “what to do if…happens on the bus” scenarios.  
  • If your child is not used to riding on the bus:
    • Contact the school and/or bus department to see what support or advice they can offer for your first-time rider.  Every school is different, but some schools offer the chance to visit the bus garage to see the bus up close (and even get inside it); others may just give you the run-down of what to expect in terms of who the bus driver is and what the bus rules are.
    • If you have any neighbors with school age kids, you might want to check in with them to get some feedback about the bus ahead of time.  For example, if your child is particularly shy, introverted, or sensitive to noise levels, you will want to know whether the bus is particularly loud or crowded so you can have a coping plan in place for your child (i.e. she will wear headphones on the bus or sit closer to the front).  
  • If appropriate or helpful, reach out to other parents of kids who will be at the bus stop.  Plan a fun gathering of the parents and kids prior to the first day of school.  Your child will then know who she can expect to see at the bus stop and be familiar with them.

Other helpful suggestions:
  • Double check the bus route even if it’s been the same bus route for years.  
  • Call the bus department to see if the bus driver is the same as last year.  
  • For younger kids worried about riding the bus, buy or borrow a toy bus the child can play with before school starts.  Why?  Each and every positive exposure that the child has with a school bus (even toy ones) helps the child familiarize himself with school buses and alleviate a little fear.

New school, classroom, and/or teacher:
  • If the school is new to you and your child, arrange for a tour and “meet-and-greet” with the school principal.  Again, every school is different so some schools will offer more support than others.  It is in the best interest of a worry-prone child to be able to meet the principal, teacher, and school nurse prior to starting a new school if at all possible.  
  • If your child’s school allows, visit the school during summer months or prior to school starting.  Playing on the playground at the school or walking the halls familiarizes your child to the school and reduces anxiety. If your child is extremely shy or has a history of selective mutism (not talking to anyone other than family or loved ones) this is especially important. The more your child has exposure and experience talking on school grounds (because you are present with her during these visits) the better for her.
  • If your child has ongoing medical issues, make sure your child has met the school nurse face to face before starting a new school.  In addition, as the parent, make sure you meet with the school staff necessary (the school nurse, guidance counselor, principal, classroom teacher) to go over all medical information the school needs to know to care for your child.  Be upfront from the beginning-- It’s extremely unsettling and concerning when a child has medical issues that do not get addressed appropriately in school, whether it’s due to the parent under-informing the school (yes, this happens), or the school not following a plan for the child (yes, this happens too).  
  • Contact the school guidance counselor and discuss any concerns ahead of time.

General

In general, a regular routine during the school year can help reduce anxiety for kids overall.  A regular routine means a routine that is predictable for your child, i.e. the child knows dinner is at 6pm each night and bedtime is at 8pm.  If you’re the type of person who hates routine (I’m one of them) this can feel challenging and even counter-intuitive.  However, for kids who are susceptible to anxiety, the routine is a predictable backbone of their day.  The routine becomes structure that helps them manage the rest of the day’s craziness. Everything else may feel chaotic to them but they know, if nothing else, dinner is at 6pm and bedtime is at 8pm.  

Last, your child is heading back to school with kids they haven't seen in a while, or haven't met before.  Remind your child that sometimes kids return to school with a different appearance and/or new life experiences under their belt-- this can be anything from noticeable changes ( i.e. a radically different hairstyle) to ones the child cannot necessarily "see" (i.e. the child has experienced a tragic loss over the summer).  Encourage your child to treat him or herself with kindness and to extend that kindness to others as well for a smoother start the school year.  

Bonnie Thomas, LCSW

Indigo North Counseling
Copyright 2016
www.indigonorthcounseling.com

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